DiaNisME

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap.The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Ofcourse, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push on to something better.

Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. And just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it’s only when you’re tested, that you truly discover who you are. And it’s only when you’re tested, that you discover who you can be.

The person you want to be does exist. Somewhere on the otherside of hard work and faith and belief … and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead …

Gk terasa … 3 jam waktu berlalu … berisi percakapan yg dah pernah qt lalui dulu, di berbagai tempat, di berbagai kesempatan … Hanya utk mengetahui klo kamu ternyata masih belum berubah … kita masih belum berubah.

Those things still remain the same … hal-hal yang paling qt hindarin utk dibahas n paling makan waktu klo dibahas … mungkin suatu waktu bakalan ada titik temunya.

Tp saat ini for the man who can’t be moved … hate is safer than love. Haha.

Till we meet again … Peace!

I don’t what have been possed me these days … It seems like my mood not so steady. I’ve been feeling kinda angry and sad, quite much these days. Seems like the ‘Dark DiaNisMe’ is in right now. You know, the one that full of anger, hate, cynical, rolled-eyes, punching the wall, throwing small things (like a pen) to the wall, sad n depressing songs, etc.

But, the thing is, I don’t… I don’t think of my music as depressing. It’s the opposite, really. You know? It… comforts me. It tells me that it’s… OK to feel sad or… scared or alone… and that I’m not alone in how I feel. And that’s part of being alive.

It’s like a rainy day; you know like Bandung these days? A rainy day makes most people… sad. OK, you’re stuck inside, it’s all gloomy – no… sunny walk in the park going on, but… I have to say, I love a rainy day. It’s just, an excuse to stay inside and drink hot tea/milk (plus gorengan). Hang out in my room or read a book or just… have a day to be alone. I don’t wanna go on a walk in the park anyway.

I don’t know what that says about me just because I find comfort in silence and a little sadness. I don’t think that makes me a morose person. I’m just more comfortable in that place.

I don’t know, maybe I’m kidding myself. But I know lots of other people that can appreciate the darker side, you know? Like,… um… Darth Vader, Peter Parker, Bruce Wayne. Or, like, you know, just tons of other fun characters…

Haha, I will be laying if I say that I don’t care so much abaout my Birthday … Well okay, maybe I don’t really care about wheter my familiy or my friends will give a gift or no. It’s more about the D-DAY. The day where I stopped for a while, having the time for myself and … just be myself, thingking about how far I’ve become. About the jorney I took, how far more from my destination. Or just to remember the destination … or just to remember again the reason why  I took this journey. I remember wrote that …  losing your way in a journey is unfortunate, but losing your reason for a journey is a fate more cruel.

We’ll I must admit, I
already have a destination, that I wanna go to, since I was in High School. And I’ve begun the journey since I graduated from Senior High School. But The Reason itself, of why I’m taking this journey … I just found out at my sophomore year.

And you ask me what I want this year

And I try to make thiskind and clear

Just the chance that maybe we’ll find better days

Cause I don’t need boxes wrapped in strings

And desire and love and empty things

Just the chance that maybe we’ll find better days

-diaNisMe, Nov 25, 2007

From the book of "An Unkindness of Ravens" :
"There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyages of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures."

I think what that quote means is that life is short and opportunities are rare. And we have to be vigilant in protecting them and not only the opportunities to succeed but the opportunity to laugh , to see the enchantment and to live. Because life doesn’t owe us anything, In fact I think we owe something to the world …

Good Bye …
It’s the end of something simple. And the beginning of everything else …

Well, at least menurutku sih gt.

Percakapan aneh antara si heart n si mind …

Heart : so, we’ve hurt him …
Mind : gk jg kayax …
Heart : Really? Tp kyax dia sedih banget wkt qt ngangkat topik itu lagi …
Mind : Ya kan qt jg gk sengaja … tiba2 aja dia ngungkit masa lalu. Daripada qt terdesak, mending qt attack balik aja. Tp qt jg gk maksud ngbuka luka lama dia sih. Toh bukan hak qt ngjudge dia krn masa lalunya.
Heart : Yah, walaupun gt gw rada sedih jg … trnyata yg lo prediksi bener.
Mind : Ya gw sbenerx jg brharap prediksi gw salah, tp  udah tugas gw untuk selalu brpikir jernih saat lo lg lemah2nya … gw dah janji … that I will always have ur back.
Heart : Thanks … so, what should we do now then?
Mind : Huff, sbenerx sih pengen nemenin lu lbh lama … tp coz saat ini job gw lg banyak euy. U know, nih kan musim ujianx si Dian, gw harus fokus ngbantuin dia … katax pngen cepet lu2s tuh anak, hehe …
Heart : Iya jg ya, gw ngrasa brsalah dah ‘nyaris’ making trouble lg
Mind : Udah, nyantai aja … Just promise me, while I’m busy … u will take care of urself … let it open, but stay carefull …
Heart :  I will … and whenever u lost perspective or u’re in a GREY zone … gw yg bakal have ur back

DiaNisMe,
November Rain

Long time no say …

Mumpung libur nih, ngblog bentar ah. Sbenarx ada banyak bgt yg pengen gw ceritain dr kmaren2, mulai hal2 kecil ampe hal2 besar, mulai hal2 yg sweet2 ampe yg pait2 … tp tiap kali gw dah mo nulis, gw mikir lg … ntar gmana klo ada yg ngebaca (PD banget ada yg mo baca), entar kadar kemisteriusanku brkurang dunk … huahahaha. Itulah salah satu kekurangan gw sbetulx, gw hobi bgt mikir ttg hal2 yg rada dalem, kadang2 pengen gw tuangkan dlm tulisan (sapa tau jadi buku, kan lg ngtren) … cuman blm siap untuk dbaca ma org lain … coz sometimes people judge you. And gw paling gk suka di ‘labelin’ …

So, gw milih topik yg rada ‘aman’ aja deh … ttg liburan kali ini. Like always, liburan = balik k Mks. Ringkasan pengalaman selama liburan :

• pertama kalix k nikahan temen (dMks),
• pertama kalix magang,
• kmungkinan jadi cewek trmuda  yg pertama kali naik puncak Tower Balaikota
• pertama kalix naik ampe lt. 12 tanpa lift (sure u can do)
• pertama kali ngerasain ‘lunch break’
• pertama kalix main n makan sendiri di mall (lunch break)
• untuk kesekian kalix sok jadi turis lokal (main k pantai n foto2)
• masuk BUSER (kemungkinan besar punggung gw kesorot kamera wkt ada kecurian di rmh Opa)

apa lg yah … prasaan bnyak tp ntar aja dsambung deh …

Lumayan lama gk ngepost lg …
Sbenarx sih slama ini gw tetep sering nulis, cuman banyak yg gk bs dipost di sini. Coz mostly isinya penuh dgn ANGER … ntar gk enak lg klo dbaca ma org, penuh kata2 yg gk biasa org denger keluar dr mulut gw.

Huh … mungkin itulah problem gw, gk bisa melampiaskan emosi gw dgn semestinya. Sering kali gw lebih milih nelan emosi gw, mending diem or kabur klo perlu, yah untuk menghindari jgn sampe gw ngeluarin kata2 yg gk bs gw tarik lg n ntarnya hanya buat org sakit ati.

Hehehe, kbetulan hari ini gw lg dlm posisi itu. Seringkali masalah sepele jadi gede buat gw, coz slama ini gw bs ngatasin sgala macem masalah kcuali klo gw dsepelein. Itu yg paling gw gk bs tahan.

So saat ini, gw lg dwarnet … rada ngejauhin diri dr sumber ke bad mood-an gw.
Lumyan jg, gw bolos bentar dr studio … istirahatin hati dgn ngedownload clip2 OTH (hehehe, always).
Dan music dsini jg lumayan membantu gw lebih rileks, berturut-turut lagu2 favorit gw diputer.
Hands Down, Vindicated  n Bad Day (pas banget lagu ini).

So, gt lah … hari gw saat ini lg mendung.
Mungkin pengaruh PMS gt?
Yah sudahlah, dlm itungan menit mood gw bakalan bagus lagi. AmieN.

Pengalaman mengajariku bahwa orang cenderung menggigit tangan yang memberi mereka makan. Secara manusiawi tindakan itu akan membuat mereka puas. It’s something u can’t change.

Jangan membuat orang salah mengartikan perasaan kasih dan murah hati itu sebagai kelemahan. Orang bilang mereka mengagumi orang yg baik hati dan suci. Tapi deep down inside mereka kadang memandang rendah.

Mereka senang sekali melihat orang2 baik itu tersandung dan terjembab di bawah kaki mereka. Mereka memanfaatkan kebaikan seseorang … tanpa merasa bersalah sama sekali.

To those who did that … SCREW U !!! ———————————————————————–

Ps: Kadang gw memang sentimen…. gw tdk pernah merasa sbg org suci, tapi gw juga bukan orang yang gak punya perasaan. Stand up for what I believe. And sarcasm is my sword.